Chapter 1

Boundaries With Kids
Part 1: Why Kids Need Boundaries
Chapter 1

Qoutes I liked from this chapter

But where we do not possess inner strength, we either get stuck or we fail. (p 14)

The pattern’s children establish early in life (their character) they will live out later. And character is always formed in relationship.

It is better for a child to lose privileges than for an adult to lose a marriage or a career.

An accurate description of children is that they are little people who are out of control with themselves and attempting to control everyone around them.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 2:6

The essence of boundaries is self control, responsibility, freedom and love.

If parents give without boundaries, children learn to feel entitled and become self-centered and demanding. Ungratefulness becomes a character pattern.

Comments
I love the story at the beginning of this chapter. It reminds me that by taking over responsibility for Isaac I’m turning him into something I don’t want him to become. I don’t want him to feel entitled. I want him to recognize what his responsibilities are.

Parenting is ENTIRELY about the future. Essentially, as parents we are developing our child’s character.

One of my fears is raising Isaac to feel entitled. I don’t want him to think that he can have anything and everything. But his life so far has been so easy---especially being the only child.

I think it was good to describe a parent as a manager. Parenting is a full time job. You are responsible for everything another human being learns and how they learn it! That’s crazy.

Introduction

Boundaries With Kids
Introduction

What it’s about
Explains that to book teaches…
how to prevent boundary problems.
the parent how to behave with the child

Quotes from this chapter I liked
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

Your task as a parent is to help your child develop inside him what you have been providing on the outside: responsibility, self control and freedom.

Personal
This scenario happened today, just as it does everyday…

Isaac does something that he isn’t supposed to. I correct him or ask him to sit on the step and he replies “I’m not going to be your friend anymore”.

I don’t like when Isaac says this. I think it’s manipulative and I don’t want him to try to hurt people’s feelings just because he doesn’t agree with them. He has been saying this for months but today it finally dawned on me-- I can make him STOP saying this by giving him a consistent consequence. I talked to Adam about it and we decided that the appropriate consequence would be 10 minutes of sitting on his bed in his room if he says it again. I think I will add time if he doesn’t follow the directions. This seems like a natural consequence for me…If he doesn’t want to be my friend, then he can see what it’s like to have no friends.

There things that Isaac does that I don’t like for one reason or another. So often I forget that I am in charge. I’m the one that is supposed to be in control- making the decisions of what he is and is not allowed to do and say. He needs me to tell him if something is okay or not okay. And I need to be the adult and give him the structure to help him grow into something beautiful.

Boundaries With Kids

The first book we are going to read is Boundaries With Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. We can read one chapter and post about it and see what direction we want to go with it. We'll figure it out as we go.....